In recent weeks there has been some bashing of my name, which I do not appreciate. I’m lovely and I dislike anyone who says otherwise. I am, after all, the longest reigning T-Division champion, not just in the UK, but the world. The whole entire world. And I am, among other things, somewhat awesome.

So it’s with this recent bashing of my good name that I contacted my lawyer and asked him to make a statement on my behalf…

Did the defendant make mistakes? Sure. He did. Serious mistakes. But did he actually commit any crimes? Did he commit treason? No. I mean, it was an impossible situation. When the mods arrived, what could he possibly do? What could anyone have done?

What would you have done? If he had refused to surrender, Jason would have probably nuked the planet right then and there. So did he appear to cooperate with Jason? Sure. So did hundreds of others.

What’s the difference between him and them? Too Tall issued a blanket pardon. They were all forgiven, no questions asked. Dougie Patterson. Dougie Patterson used F bombs, offended dozens of people. Forgiven. Ann and Talie. They murdered all decency in the male form. Forgiven. The mods. The mods instigated a laid back attitude and let the users run wild. Forgiven.

And me? Well, where do I begin? I shot down a bad idea, the booking of Kenny Baker. Over a thousand people on board with me. Forgiven. I raised my tone to a Showmasters crew member, committed an act of mutiny. Forgiven. And then on the very day when Tyler surrendered to those mods to create an era of peace, I jumped away.

I left everybody on that forum, alone, undefended, for months. I even tried to persuade the mods never to return, to abandon you all there for good. If I’d had my way nobody would have made it off that forum.

I’m the coward. I’m the traitor. I’m forgiven.

I’d say we are very forgiving of mistakes. We make our own laws now; our own justice. And we’ve been pretty creative in finding ways to let people off the hook for everything from name calling to light porn. And we’ve had to be, because… because we’re not customers anymore. We are a gang, and we are on the run, and we have to fight to survive. We have to break rules. We have to bend laws. We have to improvise.

But not this time, no. Not this time. Not for James Tyler. No, you… you have to be banned, because, well, because we don’t like you very much. Because you’re arrogant. Because you’re rude. Because you’re pushy, and we, the mods, want to throw you out of the event, because you didn’t stand up to the shirt and get yourself banned in the process.

That’s justice now. You should have been banned back in the Elizabeth Croft thread, but since you had the temerity to be overlooked, we’re going to banish you now, and everyone who knows you. That’s justice.

This case… this case is built on emotion, on anger, bitterness, vengeance. But most of all, it is built on shame.

It’s about the shame of what the mods did to themselves back on that forum. It’s about the guilt of those mods who ran away. Who ran away. And we’re trying to dump all that guilt and all that shame on one man and then flush him out the airlock, and hope that just gets rid of it all. So that they could live with themselves.

But that won’t work. That won’t work.

That’s not justice; not to me.

Not to me.

So there.

Disclaimer: I’m sure someone will get bent out of shape at all this and not realise it’s a parody. I’m sure someone will be stupid enough to think Lee Adama is a real lawyer and someone, just one person, might be foolish enough to wear an awful shirt in protest. I hate to post this… but… does this face look bovered?

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Tags: amusement, bsg, geek, lfcc