Someone asked me to write about beauty being in the eye of the beholder and all that lovely crap. Though the more I thought about it, and about recent comments in the vanity thread, I began to wonder…

Appearance is important. Anyone who thinks otherwise is wrong. It’s nice and all to harp on about being civilized people above such things as a nice pair of shoes and some lipstick. If that were true, we’d either be a much more tolerant people or we’d all look like Gene Snitsky.

At our core we’re animals and we’re programmed with some basic animal commands. We see something we like, we want to have sex with it. Some people’s programming is a bit ‘off’ which is why I’ve read stories over the years like the guy who burned his cock off trying to shag his car exhaust and I’d hazard a guess that it’s why we’ve all recently read about a sheep being born with a human face.

So what do you look for in a partner? Someone to connect with on a personal level? Someone you can spend time with and enjoy being in their company? Security and safety? Maybe even a family? It’s likely a yes all round to those. But when young men and women go out for a night, do they check out the cattle on the dance floor hunting for those things above all else?

No. You look for something to drool over and you can be sexually attracted to.

Celebrity eye candy relies on this too. Would Page 3 have been such a huge deal in the UK if we had models with a size 52 waist or a face like a smacked arse? No. Hell no. Well, maybe the face like a smacked arse bit, have you seen some of those models?

What about men? Let’s not make this all about women because I have a penis. Lost is a great example of this. Would Hugo Reyes ever be a sex symbol? He’s a nice guy, a lovely character and the actor behind him always comes off just as well. But do women swarm n their hoards to proclaim their love for Hurley and want to have his babies? No. It’s the whiny bitch Jack and the grouchy con man Sawyer they want to see on a calendar because Josh Holloway is hot.

Is this a bad thing? No, not really. It’s human nature to be attracted to the attractive and it’s even become a ritual for may young men and women to place themselves on a pedestal and make the most of themselves when they head out for an activity I believe is called ‘going on the pull’. But it does cross a line…

…lets start with the easiest example. Easy being the operative word. Let’s take a look Jodie Marsh. There’s someone who went too far. In an effort to be attractive, she mutilated herself and has lost all sense of perspective about the word ‘subtle’ and at the same time has lost her dignity. She tries too hard.

And the normal people copy. Or try and compete. Or are just plain stupid. How many bright orange women do you see strolling down the high street with their head held high, probably off to top up their ‘tan’ as they are desperate to overcome their genetic ugliness and be something special. Men are just as bad. It spoils the gym experience to see them staring at the mirror as they lift weights boosting their own inflated ego by trying to be more of a man.

It’s bad to be unattractive, it’s bad to cross the line. So what does that leave us with?

I say, common fucking sense. Do you really think looking like a trampy oompa loompa or layering yourself in slutty clothes and makeup will help you find a partner? Or even get laid? It might, and you’ll end up with the type of guy who cares about nothing but his hair and abs.

Tone down, stop being an idiot and remember one key word; subtlety. Paul Heyman created a masterpiece with the idea of hiding the negatives, accentuating the positives. If a lot of women applied that to their appearance and some of them stopped being so ashamed of themselves, they’d maybe be a lot more appealing.

Do you really think the world hates you because your fat? No. In my experience the only far people that are generally disliked are the ones who saunter around in next to nothing because they think their sexy (if you’re a Glasweigan and a regular to the Cathouse, you’ll know exactly what I mean there) or are in severe self hatred or denial over that fact.

You’re fat? So what? Turn on the charm, get a little confidence and sort yourself out. I met my girlfriend when I was fat. Did that harm my chances? No, I believed in myself and didn’t care about my belly.

A final note for this jumble of annoyance… Most men I know prefer a bit of curves. Not stick thin Terri Hatcher types, not Beth Ditto, but a sensual body that you can embrace without getting stabbed by their ribs. Most women I know don’t care about your abs unless they’re too superficial to care about. Take Big Brother, for all the drooling Alex Reid does at his own body, Dane whathisface was voted house hottie. It might have been a stupid game on a dumb show, but surely thats a sign?

Self improvement is nice. It can make you a better person, touching up the makeup to highlight natural features. You can do the same with clothes as [tag]Gok Wan[/tag] tells you every year on Channel 4. It doesn’t matter what shape or size you are, you can be alluring.

It makes sense to me. Is it just me? I’d love to hear different opinions on beauty, looks and attractiveness in general.

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Tags: fuck a jesus, reflection