I seem to be blogging again, inspired by Gary’s daily blogging, I assume. Despite the fact that Saturday saw the demise of the PC. I’ve tried everything to fix it. I’ve thrown things at it, took it apart, cleaned it, shouter at it. Nothing seems to work. So the laptop is being shared with myself and Raven – and as she posts a lot of news, I’ll be offline a bit more (which may be less of a distraction).

Anyway… I posted something on Facebook on Saturday night/Sunday morning (one of them) which inspired me to ask the Glasweigans (or anyone really) about your encounters with the local types who ask for change, come out with bizzarre challenges, try to engage you in baffling conversation or are just generally odd. So if you have a story, comment away! Until you do, I’m going to share some of my own…

What made me post on Facebook? Well… over the weekend we had some fellow geeks drop by (you can read one of their blogs here) and we got talking about the differences between junkie encounters, being from different parts of Scotland and all. Raven mentioned the Glasgow change-asker/scrounger habbit of asking for odd numbers of change. Usually 38p. Amazingly, while walking our visitors to the train station some guy stops us, gives us a sob story and asks for 38p. As if he had overheard our discussion and wanted to demonstrate.

We politely shake him off, I played nice, and went on our way. Once they had departed, I made my way back home and saw him coming out of a ship shop with a full tray of goodies in his hands. As he passes me, I comment “Other peoples money well spent.” Which, he didn’t seem to appreciate.

Some abuse followed, abuse that quickly ceased when I stopped, turned around and took a step towards him.

Thats one of the two things I love about Glasgow’s idiot population. A lot of them talk, especially when they’re with a crowd and want to impress, very few of them actually back it up (Divers, if you’re reading – post your McDonalds story for further proof).

Now before I continue, I’d like to point out I’m not a violent type. I’m not a hard man. In any way shape or form. Insert penis joke here. And it baffles me that these guys who get pissed and throw fists, likely gaining valuable fighting experience, and essentially spineless.

And they warn you. Yes, if you’ve heard Kevin Bridge’s routine you can see truth in it. These guys will be polite and give you advanced warning.

One guy in particular in Paisley, Sean Paul. Or something like that. I was working in security at the time and had to eject him as he was a known trouble maker who was banned for various reasons. Most of them being getting high and starting fights, or stealing cheap wine. So I ask him politely to leave, explain why and then engaged in a fifteen minute conversation.

I say conversation, this was him giving me non stop warnings, me rolling my eyes, his girlfriend screeching as if she’d just sat on a hedgehog and general annoyance that I was on CCTV and couldn’t just grad him and haul him out by his three remaining teeth. This is where his advanced notice came.

“I’m gonna stab ye.” Cheers, thanks for letting me know. “I’d do four years for you.” Really? I’m touched.

Eventually he realised his warnings didn’t seem to bother me. I was a security guard in Paisley. Getting stabbed is part of the job. I had a girl come at me with a needle on my first day, and that was a quiet day. So he pulled out a knife. Immediately the Peter Murphy brand of wrestling training came into effect. I grabbed him, smashed him into a coffee shop window and sat him on the ground with my knee on his back. Then he screamed, asking me why I did that.

Surely all his fighting experience should have given him the upper hand here? He was also mental.

Months later, on the way to Area 52, I bumped into him again. He asked me for 40p so he could get a bus. Not owning a car, I know how much public transport costs. If it’s 40p, thats either a bargain, or you’ll too lazy to walk down the street. He began to realise I was familier. And asked me if we’d done something together; time, money, drugs, stealing shit, whatever.

I relayed to him the above incident. His reply? “Aw whit? Pal, I’m just mad we it. So hows aboot 20p, aye?”

I have a long list of encounters which range from amusing, to bizarre, to violent to the occasionally funny. And YouTube seems to have some video evidence of these people…

…they’re scum of the earth, stupid and shouldn’t be allowed to reproduce. However… with their antics on the street, they could well be classed as street theater and the stories of them always make a room laugh.

So please, share with me your encounters. Whether you’re Glasweigan, from some other part of Scotland or wherever.

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Tags: amusement, fuck a jesus, glasgow