Marty Michaels

Another day, another top ten! Being the big sci fi geek that I am, this one was a certainty. Incidentally, this is the first top ten to be posted exclusivley on this site, so history being made rightchere. Well, not really. Anyway, here goes with the top ten (fictional) robots! Onward!

10. LIEUTENNANT COMMANDER DATA from Star Trek: The Next Generation

The crowining achievement of Star Fleet robotics, Lt Cmdr Data opens our top ten. Played by Brent Spiner, Data was the TNG equivilent of Spock, cold and emotionless but struggling desperatley to fit in with the humans he worked with. 178 episodes of somewhat akward character development later and Data was finally one of us. Though why he would want to be as flawed and irrational as humankind escapes me. His love for Sherlock Holmes should have placed him higher, but, to be honest, I never cared for TNG and so Data’s only here out of a sense of obligation.

9. TWIKI from Buck Rogers in the 25th Century

For no other reason than he was voiced by Mel Blanc, Buck Roger’s robot pal Twiki biddi-biddi-biddi’s his way to number nine. Played by sci fi and fantasy legend Felix Silla (Cosuin Itt in The Addams Family) and with a voice provided by the greatest voice actor of all time, Twiki was an obvious nod to R2-D2 and C3-P0, the droids from Star Wars. I remember watching re-runs of Buck Rogers as a kid and loing Twiki, so for purely nostalgic reasons he makes the list. “Go, Buck, Go!”

8. OPTIMUS PRIME from Transformers

Don’t fuck with Optiums Prime – he’s more than meets the eye. What I’m about to tell you is fact, cold, hard, show-your-working fact. Robots than can turn into cars are badass. There’s no two ways about it. And if robots that turn into cars are badass, then a robot who turns into an eighteen wheeler is about as badass as it gets. The leader of the Autobots, Optimus Prime leads the fight against the evil Decepticons, led by Megatron. Megatron transformed into a gun, which unless there’s someone there to shoot it is pretty useless. Optimus’ recent dalliances with Shia LeBeouf (French for Shia the beef – swear to God) have knocked his credability somewhat which explains his low placement on the list.

7. ROBOT B9 from Lost in Space

The Robot from Lost In Space, or to give it its full title, the B-9, Class M-3 General Utility Non-Theorizing Environmental Control Robot, is one of the most famous robot in sci fi, despite not actually doing a very great deal besides standing around and warning Will Robinson of danger. To be perfectly honest, this is another choice based entirley on nostalgia as I remember many a day spent watching Lost In Space reruns, something which may explain my utter hatred for so-called “hard” science fiction. But, like the Robot always said, you can lead a robot to water, but you can’t make him compute. I have no idea what the means either.

6. CYLON CENTURION from Battlestar Galactica

To call the Cylons robots is actually a misnomer, since the Cylons were the reptilian race that created the shiny silver guys before dying out leaving only the robots behind. The robots became self aware (as the best robots are wont to do) and decided to wage war with the Twelve Colonies. But fuck semantics. The Cylons are – like everything in BSG – an obvious nod to Star Wars, but just because they’re a rip off doesn’t negate the coolness, and my friends, Cylons are cool. And shiny. But the silver Cylons were just the rank and file guys, you wanna really talk cool, you have to check out the Command Centurions.

Gold Cylons? Now, that’s cool.

5. TOM SERVO AND CROW from Mystery Science Theatre 3000

The show’s main theme tells you everything you need to know: “In the not too distant future, next Sunday AD, there was a guy named Joel, not too different from you or me. He worked at Gizmonics Institute, just another face in a red jumpsuit, he did a good job cleaning up the place, but his bosses didn’t like him so they shot him into space! Now keep in mind Joel can’t control when the movies begin or end, because he used those special parts to build his robot friends. If you’re wondering how he eats and breathes and other science facts, just keep telling yourself it’s just a show, I should really just relax for Mystery Science Theatre 3000!” What more can I possibly say?

4. CYBERDINE SYSTEMS MODEL T800 from The Terminator

The T-800, specifically the 101 series (that’s the one that looks like Schwarzenegger), is a programmable assasin and military infiltration unit (thanks, Wikipedia) but we don’t give a crap about that stuff. We wanna see it go back in time and kill people and fight liquid metal dudes and shit. Interestingly, the T-800 is the only character to appear on the American Film Insitutue’s lists top 50 heroes and top 50 villains. And that’s what makes the T-800 interesting: the fact that he can be programmed to do good or evil. Most robots can only carry out the functions they were programmed for – indeed robots such as Nomad from Star Trek self destructed when they were forced to go aginst programming – but the T-800 presents a choice. Do you program him for good or do you program him to rob banks for you? I’m in the minority who think that The Terminator is a better film than it’s overblown sequel. In the first movie the T-800 is more like a classic monster movie villain or the killer in a slasher movie. An unstoppable, unkillable machine that “absolutley will not stop – ever – until you are dead.”

3. MARIA from Metropolis

One of the greatest sci fi movies ever made and one of the most influentual movies of all time features not only some of the most striking images in cinema, but also features one of the greatest robotic characters ever. Produced in Germany during the Weimar republic the film is an allegory for the class strugle between workers and owners. Brigitte Helm plays Maria, a free spirited young woman who works to help the poor, whose conciousness is transferred into an amoral robotic version of herself. The incredible imagery and special effects inspired every Frankenstein movie that followed. Speaking of inspiration, is it just me or does Maria look awfully like a female version of…

2. C3P0 AND R2D2 from Star Wars

Iconic is the only word. The two most famous and well loved robots in film history, R2 and 3P0 are two of the most instantly recognisable characters in sci fi history. The cute little whistling trashcan is undoubtedly the unsung hero of the Star Wars trilogy. Sure Luke blew up the Death Star, but who carried the plans exposing the Death Star’s only weakness? R2. Sure Luke and Han rescued Leia, but who told them where she was being held? R2. Sure, Luke and co. escaped the garbage masher, but who shut it off? R2. Handy guy to have around. Also, as much as us fanboys like to imagine we’re like Han Solo or Boba Fett, 3P0 is the character we most resemle. Think about it. Misunderstood, intelligent, sensitive and prone to saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. 3P0 is, ironically, the most recognisably human character in the Original Trilogy. Need any more proof that R2 and 3P0 are awesome? Name another robot who had a cameo in Raiders of the Lost Ark. I rest my case.

1. ROBBY THE ROBOT from Forbidden Planet

The granddaddy of them all, Robby the Robot is, quite simply, the greatest robot of all time. Inspired by Ariel the spirit in Shakespeare’s The Tempest, Robby made his first apperance in 1956′s Forbidden Planet and instantly becoming a pop culture icon, Robby has made a number of film and TV apperances since, starring in his own movie, The Invisibile Boy, three episodes of The Twilight Zone, two apperances in Lost In Space, as well as episodes of The Thin Man, The Addams Family, The Man From UNCLE, The Monkees, Columbo, Wonder Woman, Mork and Mindy, The Simpsons, Futurama, Teen Titans, Dr. Who and even a cameo in Star Wars: The Phantom Menace. Not bad for a robot, huh?

So, there ya go. I seriously considered putting Gort from The Day the Earth Stood Still in the list somewhere, but, to be honest, he doesn’t do a very great deal but stand around and look mean. As per always, comment if you got ‘em. End transmission.

Tags: robots, sci fi, top ten