Top Ten… Superman Villains!
After my list of Batman villains, I feel it’s only right to look at the top ten Superman badguys. Supes has never had as great a rouge’s gallery as the Dark Knight, but there’s some choice villainy going on there. Onwards!
10. TITANO
Kicking of our look at the Man of Steel’s greatest enemies is a blast from the late Golden Age past, Titano: the Super-Ape! Obviously inspired by King Kong, Titano is a giant gorilla with a difference: this hirstute hominid can shoot beams of Kryptonite radiation from his eyes. Don’t ask why, just chalk it up the madness that swept through DC like wildfire in the fifties and move on.
9. MISTER MXYZPTLK
Created by Sigel and Shuster and a thorn in the side of Superman since the early days, Mr. Mxyzptlk has confounded comics fans for decades, inspiring conversaiton, debate and sometimes fistfights over how exactly you prounounce the little bastard’s name. See, the only way to send him back to whatever mystical dimension he came from is to say his name backwards, which is bloody difficult when you can’t even say it forward. My two cents? “Mix-pick-ill-ick.”
8. MONGUL
Leader of an alien race who had a habit of stealing superweapons pre-crisis and leader of an alien race with a penchant for gladatorial combat post-crisis, Mongul is one of the few DC badguys to have captured the Big Blue Boy Scout. Possessed of superman strength rivaling that of Supes himself and able to withstand almost any physical attack, Mongul also has telepathic abilities and can teleport himself from one end of the univese to the other. Handy stuff when your enemy can fly from one place to another in a seventh of a second.
7. DARKSEID
Created by Marvel legend Jack “King” Kirby, Darkseid is, despite his rather sillily spelled name, a pretty badass dude. A perennial pain in the arse of not only Supey, but also (and more famously) the New Gods, Darkseid was allegedly based on Jack “pick up the gun” Palance which is so unspeakably cool that that alone earns him a spot on the list, but that fact coupled with the equally awesome fact that Darkseid and his fellow New Gods provided the basis for the Masters of the Universe movie (more so than the cartoon it was based on) puts the D-man at number seven.
6. METALLO
A former small time crook who, after being mangled in a car accident, had his brain tranfereed to a Kryptonite-powered metal body and was given one instruction: kill Superman. And that’s exactly what he set out to do. Powerful to such an extent that Supes is about the only hero who can handle him, Metallo presents a genuine threat to the Man of Steel; indeed, he has all but crippled Supes on more than one ocassion. It’s the Kryptonite heart that does it, ya see. A quick word on Kryptonite, incidentally, how much must it suck for Superman that the only souveneirs of his home world he has to hand can kill him? Weak, man. Weak.
5. BIZARRO
Welcome to Bizarro world, bitches. A world where the Yanks got Cliff Richard and we got Elvis, where Sir Rogers was a better Bond than Sir Sean and where the Man of Steel is a weird looking white guy with a Z on his chest. In current DC continuity (try to follow this) Bizarro was created when the Joker stole Mr. Mxyzptlk’s powers and creates “Jokerworld” a version of Earth with him as supreme ruler and Bizarro in the role Superman fills on Earth. When Mixpickleick got his powers back he decided to be a nice guy about it and let Bizarro stay on Earth to piss Supes off and grant me endless hours of lulz at Bizarro’s expense.
4. BRAINIAC
The man (if you can call him a man) responsible for the shrinking of Kandor and who has a more complicated backstory than almost any other comics villain, Braniac, everybody’s favorite green skinned android, makes the list at number four. Making his first apperance in 1958, Braniac has undergone more retcons and character shifts than almost anyone going from a green bald dude who liked to shrink cities to a “swarm of interlinked nanotechnological units.” Who likes to shrink cities. Nah, he doesn’t do that anymore, but it’s a shame that he doesn’t because isn’t that an utterly bastardly thing to do? Anyway, Braniac’s name has entered the lexicon and is used by people who have no knowledge of comics whatsoever, which makes him iconic without his really trying. Put it this way, people don’t say “nice move, Atomic Skull.”
3. DOOMSDAY
Doomsday holds a very special distinction when it comes to comic book villains because he’s the guy who managed to do what no other badguy had done before: kill Superman. Created for the express purpose of doing in the Last Son of Krypton by Dan Jurgens for the never-bettered Death of Superman arc, Doomsday is himself a Kryptonian who knows no pain, no fear, no pity, no remorse and lives for the malicious thrill of destruction. A being of pure, unadulterated evil is what we’re dealing with here, not a clown or a guy who can’t handle heat. Those guys are pussies compared to Doomsday.
2. GENERAL ZOD
Zod is a Kryptonian criminal who was sent to the Phantom Zone by Jor-El. Escaping and heading to Earth years later, Zod attempts to avenge himself by killing Jor-El’s son, Kal-El – Superman to his friends. Possessed of all the same powers as the Man of Tomorrow, Zod is probably Superman’s most evenly matched enemy, but Zod has an edge – his finey honed military mind, edged with megalomanical criminality. Played to utter, utter perfection by Terence Stamp in the otherwise-woeful Superman II, I’ll leave the last word to the man himself: “come to me, son of Jor-El! KNEEL BEFORE ZOD!!!”
1. LEX LUTHOR
Making his first apperance (as “Luthor” – no first name) in Action Comics #23, and apperaring in Superman comics, TV shows and movies to this day, Lex Luthor is the Man of Steel’s oldest and most consistent foe. Well, I say consistent, but like all great comic book characters sexy Lexy has undergone changes both major and minor over the decades. Originaly a labcoat wearing mad scientist straight out of a latter day Universal horror, Luthor has evolved into a corrupt businessman, an evil industrialist, the President of the United States and, most recently back to a mad scientist. Apperaring in every Superman movie except Superman vs the Mole Men and Superman III, every Superman cartoon series, every Superman TV series and a major player in comics since 1940. Played on screen by some brilliant actors including Gene Hackman and Kevin Spacey, Luthor is Superman’s greatest enemy, which might just make him comic’s greatest villain.
That’s the Man of Tomorrow and the Dark Knight’s rouge’s gallery covered, might do a top ten Marvel badguys next. Comments would be nice – gimmie your thoughts below. End transmission.
