Marty Michaels

It’s about time I wrote something new about comics. I get to swear and mess around more when I write about comics then when I write about movies and, hey, swearing’s always fun. Firstly, an apology in advance: I didn’t intend for Captain America to dominate the top 5 like he has, but there was no way around it. Cap’s had a shitton of sidekicks and the three I picked for this list just so happen to be three of the best sidekicks in comics. Blame Marvel for writing such good characters. Secondly, this blog’s been getting a lot of new readers, so hello to them and thanks for stopping by. Thirdly, I know the sidekick at number seven doesn’t have his origin in comics, but it’s my list so there. Anyway, let’s take a looksee at the top ten superhero sidekicks! Onward!

10. MICROCHIP, sidekick of THE PUNISHER

Considered by many to be one of the most pointless characters in comics (a position I tend to agree with) Micro nonetheless makes the list at number ten. Acting as a sort of Q (from the Bond movies) figure, Micro aids the Punisher by providing weaponry (where he gets it from is never explained) and by hacking inot somputer systems to obtain info on crimes. Micro was killed off in regular continuity a while back, but for some reason some genius at Marvel decided to bring him back from the dead for no real reason at all.

9. RICK JONES, sidekick of THE INCREDIBLE HULK

Rick Jones is a rarity in comics. A sidekick who doesn’t really get on with his partner and doesn’t have any sort of secret identity. Hell, I’m not even sure Hulk knew Rick Jones existed since their entire relationship seemed to be “holy shit, Hulk’s on the rampage, better call the Avengers.” Later on, through a series of events to complicated to recount here, Rick became the costumed hero Captain Mar-Vell, spelled in so ridiculous a manner so as not to cause confusion and possibly lawsuits with the Big Red Cheese.

8. HARLEY QUINN, sidekick of THE JOKER

Ok, so Harley’s not really a sidekick, but she’s included on Wikipedia’s “list of superhero sidekicks” page and that’s good enough reason for me to include her adorable self here. Created by that dirty old man of comics Bruce Timm, Harley was once the Joker’s doctor before he worked his magic on her and made her fall in love with him. She’s been loyally at the side of her “puddin’” ever since, despite Mr. J.’s frequent bouts of irritation with her.

7. KATO, sidekick of THE GREEN HORNET

Yeah, yeah, I know, I know. Kato probably shouldn’t be on the list since he wasn’t created for comics, but Harvey, Dell, Gold Key and NOW have all printed Green Hornet comics and, at the end of the day, it’s my fucking list so there. Most memorably played by Bruce Lee in the sixties Green Hornet TV show, Kato is not only a kung-fu kicking badass, but also a skilled mechanic and engineer, building GH’s awesome Black Beauty car and his gas gun gadget.

6. EBONY WHITE, sidekick of THE SPIRIT

From a sensitivley portrayed minority character (Kato) to an… erm, somewhat less sensitivley portrayed character, the sidekick of the legendary Spirit, Ebony White. To be fair, Will Eisner was praised by various organisations for including a black character in his strips, but today it all seems a bit off. Truth be told, all of the characters in Will Eisner’s Spirit strips looked wierd, but here’s a thing – what’s worse: the fact that the character exists (and has since been retconned into something more closely resembling a human being) or the fact that the character was completley left out of the recent (and shitty) movie The Spirit?

5. DEMOLITION MAN, sidekick of THE CAPTAIN

A character that very few people have heard of, Demolition Man featured heavily in the “Captain America No More” arc – for my money the best comic book storyline ever – and ultimately gave his life to help Cap’s cause. D-Man started life as Dennis Dunphy, pro-wrestler, before donning a strange Daredevil/Wolverine hybrid costume and joining “The Captain”‘s band of vigilantes. It was later revealed that D-Man had survived the plane crash that everyone thought had killed him, but fuck that. As far as I’m concerned, D-Man made the ultimate sacrifice for what he believed in, making him more of a hero than most.

4. BATGIRL, sidekick of BATMAN

If only for the sucession of hot costumes the character has worn, Batgirl swings onto the list at number four. Most famously Barbara Gordon, daughter of Commisioner Gordon, Batgirl made her first apperance in 1961 and has been pretty much a constant ally of Batman’s ever since. Wether it’s the classic Babs Gordon Batgirl of the comics, Yvonne Craig in skin tight purple spandex in the TV series, Alicia Silverstone in black rubber in the woeful Batman and Robin, the full face masked Cassandra Cain, or the current Stephanie Brown incarnation of the character, Batgirl is more than just a pretty face.

3. FALCON, sidekick of CAPTAIN AMERICA

The first black superhero not to have “black” as part of his name and the first Afrian-American superhero ever (Black Panther is African, not African-American), Falcon accompanied old Winghead through some of his greatest adventures, including the aforementioned “Cap No More” arc. Created by Stan the Man and Gene Colan in 1969, Falcon was groundbreaking in that his colour was never even mentioned, unlike say, the Black Panther for instance. As a sidenote, Falcon’s nephew is Jim Wilson, the Incredible Hulk character who was comics’ first openly HIV positive character. As well as all this historically important stuff, it’s also worth noting that Falcon can fucking fly, which is always cool.

2. BUCKY, sidekick of CAPTAIN AMERICA

Bucky Barnes has been one of the most important characters in the Captain America mythology since his first apperance in 1941′s Captain America Comics #1. Most famous for being Cap’s sidekick throughout World War 2 before his death at the hands of Baron Zemo, Bucky’s untimley demise is why there are so few teenage sidekicks in the Marvel universe (unlike DC’s Robin, Batgirl, Kid Flash, etc.) the reasoning being that no responsible hero can endanger a child. Cap has always been haunted by the death of Bucky, and for many years comics fans had a saying, “no one stays dead except Bucky” but in 2005 Bucky was brought back from beyond the grave as Winter Soldier. Since the death (and subsequent ressurrection) of Cap, Bucky has assumed the mantle of Captain America.

1. ROBIN, sidekick of BATMAN

The butt of many, many jokes and a thorn in the side of so-called “serious” comics fans since his incepton in 1940, the fact is the world of comics would be a far different place if not for Robin. Orphaned by criminals at a young age, Dick Grayson is taken in by Bruce Wayne and trained as his sidekick. Donning a costume as far removed from his partner’s as possible, he becomes the “Boy Wonder” Robin. After Dick Grayson left Gotham to become Nightwing, Jason Todd became the new Robin only to be brutally murdered by the Joker. His sucessor, Tim Drake has had more sucess and *his* sucessor Stephanie Brown became Batgirl. After the apparent death of Bruce Wayne, Dick Grayson took up the mantle of the Bat and Bruce’s son Damien Wayne became the new Robin. A splash of colour in the sometimes drab Batman universe, Robin gets the shit end of the stick far too much for my liking. Far as I’m concerned, if there’s a Batman, there should be a Robin and if morose Alan Moore fans don’t like it, they can jolly well fuck off.

Bloody Captain bloody America and his nine million bloody sidekicks. You think he’d learn his lesson. Anyway, I’m sure I’ve said at least one thing in there you disagree with, so get commenting! End transmission.

Tags: batman, comics, top ten