Marty Michaels

A bit of a change here, because for once I’m not going to list my ten personal favorite things/moments/whatever but, instead, I’m listing the top ten things that you may or may not have noticed; things that reward you for rewatching the movie in question. And, as you’ve no doubt deduced from the title, the movie we’re looking at is the fourth part of the Star Wars saga: A New Hope. I must’ve seen this movie a four hundred times (there was a time in my life when I would watch the movie, rewind the tape and watch it again) so there’s lots of little things that I’ve picked up that a first time viewer might not have. These are the moments that raised Star Wars head and shoulders above it’s imitators (Battle Beyond the Stars, The Black Hole, The Last Starfighter, etc) and made us love it. Anyway, let’s take a quick look at the top ten unsung Star Wars: A New Hope moments! Onward!

10. Luke gets cocky!

Before the climactic final attack on the Death Star, the rebel forces gather in a breifing room to go over the mission. Some of the finest pilots in the galaxy including guys like Wedge Antilles and Biggs Darklighter are present (as is, for some reason, Luke Skywalker) and are shocked to hear exactly what the mission will entail: firing a proton torpedo at a target less than two meters across. One of the rebel pilots calls bullshit on the plan and declares it “impossible.” And what does Luke do? Start running his mouth about how he used to “bullseye Womprats” in his T16 Skyhopper back on Tattoine. Excuse me, but I think this guy probably knows a little more about hitting tiny targets whilst flying at incredible speeds and being blasted with enemy fire than you do, farmboy. Shut the hell up and be grateful they’re letting you tag along. Of course, Luke ends up saving the day and destroying the Death Star, but not by being a great pilot; he chooses to instead listen to the voices in his head and let the Force do the firing for him.

9. Wookiees play violent chess!

Wookiees are a funny lot. One one hand they look like Bigfoots (Bigfeet?) and live in peace on a forest planet, but on the other they’re feirce warriors and prone to short temperedness. The most famous of all Wookiees, of course, was Han Solo’s sidekick Chewbacca, a Wookiee who in his spare time enjoyed a relaxing game of chess. Except in the Star Wars universe, chess involves holograms that beat the shit out of each other. Finally meeting his match when playing against Threepio and Artoo, the droids were warned by Han Solo not to beat Chewie since he has a habit of ripping people’s arms off when he loses. Nice.

8. Drunken Jawas!

I never noticed this for the longest time, but when it was pointed out to me I laugh at it every time I watch the movie. As Luke and Obi-Wan are walking into Chalmun’s Cantina in Mos Eisley, check out the three drunk Jawas sitting outside. Now, most Jawas are industrious types, scavenging and seeking out stuff to sell to moisture farmers and the like. Not these guys. No way. They’re probably unemployed and spend their days sitting outside the Cantina, probably rising only to make a half hearted attempt to steal some credits from passing rubes to buy more booze. Utini? Martini, more like.

7. Dance with the Modal Nodes!

So anyway, once you’re past the drunk Jawas and checked your droids at the door, you’re in the Cantina and ready to rock. And rocking is exactly what you’ll be doing as soon as your ears hear the awesome music produced by the greatest band in the known universe, Figrin D’an and the Modal Nodes. A group of seven Bith musicians who play the single greatest song ever written on a seemingly endless loop twenty four hours a day, three hundred and sixty five days a year. You know the one I mean.

6. Racist Leia!

You know for a senator and embassador, Leia could be an pretty insensitive when she felt like it. It never occured to me when I first saw Star Wars, but the fact is Leia’s a racist bitch. Shortly after Luke, Han and Chewie risk life and limb to resuce her from her cell on the Death Star, Leia decided she’s going to lead the way and demands someone “get this walking carpet out of my way.” Poor Chewie. If it wasn’t for him, the bitch would still be rotting in her cell. To be fair, she didn’t have too much of a problem with incest, so why should racism be a problem? I couldn’t find a picture of this moment, and can’t be bothered doing a screengrab, so I’ve provided you with a grab of a different kind, fnarr fnarr…

5. Chewie gets vocal!

Here’s the deal, you copilot the ship directly responsible for clearing Luke’s path so he could destroy the Death Star and a memo goes round saying that those heroes who destroyed the Empire’s greatest threat to galactic peace are going to be awarded with medals for their bravery. Awesome, right? So you brush all the lumps out of your hair and straighten your bandolier and head out with Luke and Han to get your medal. And what do you get? Fuck all, that’s what. Is it any wonder that the last sound we hear in A New Hope is Chewie roaring his ass off, no doubt showing his displeasure at the rampant strain of anti-Wookiee racism going on on Yavin IV.

4. Vader chokes a bitch!

To be fair, this isn’t a blink-and-you’ll-miss it moment, but it is a genius peice of screenwriting that tells you absolutley everything you need to know about Vader in one two minute scene. So Vader and Peter Cushing and a bunch of guys with seventies sideburns are sitting around a table shooting the shit, and one of the sideburn guys decides he’s gonna get a bit snotty with the Dark Lord of the Sith, insulting his religion, his inabilty to flush out the rebels and the size of his penis (made that last bit up). And how does Vader react? Like a goddamn pimp, that’s how. The scene where we realised that: A. Vader’s superpowers are totally legit and totally badass and B. this black suited motherfucker’s playing for keeps, the choking of Admiral Motti is one of the best scenes in the movie.

3. Weave your web of deciet, lie man!

You’ll miss it unless you’re paying attention, but this tiny little moment shows that Lucas had the whole trilogy planned all along. When Luke and Obi-Wan are talking rubbish about nonsense in Obi-Wan’s little shack, the conversation turns to what happened to Luke’s dad and there’s a split second before Obi-Wan answers where he hesitates, his mind rapidly turning over to come up with an answer that isn’t “well, he fell into some lava, went batshit crazy when Natalie Portman died and now wears a badass black suit.” It’s a brilliant bit of acting by Alec Guiness.

2. Han shoots first!

Like Vader vs Motti, this is one of the most famous moments in the trilogy, but unlike Vader vs Motti, this is a scene that future generations will probably never see thanks to Lucas’s incessent tinkering with his movies. Originally, in the version we all saw and fell in love with, Han Solo shot Greedo in cold blood and with zero remorse, making his eventual transformation from cold hearted killer into noble freedom fighter a hundred times more powerful. In Lucas’s new edits, Han waits until Greedo shoots first, then shoots Greedo in self defense. But are you really going to tell me that Greedo missed? From three feet away? Bullshit. What’s worse is the akward CGI “dodge” than Han now does in order to get out of the way of Greedo’s laser blast. It all just looks so painfully contrived and forced. Lucas has said that he originally intended to have Greedo shoot first, but I call bullshit on that, because there’s no reason he couldn’t have shot the scene that way in 1977.

1. Blue milk!

Life on Tatooine must really suck. Nothing for miles but sand, an asshole of an uncle and no-one but droids to talk to. But what aunt Beru serves up at dinnertime must surley makeup for the hours of tedium. Not because she’s a particularly good cook, but because she serves BLUE MILK. Yes, you read that right: blue motherfucking milk. Watching Luke pour himself a glass of blue milk from some sort of space jug made my head spin when I was a kid – what the fuck kind of creature did this milk come from? What did it taste like? How could I get some? The droids and spaceships were cool, but it was the blue milk that made me believe.

The Star Wars movies are rich in this kind of stuff and, to be honest, this could easily be a top fifty, but I’ve tried to limit myself. Watch this space (heh) for the top ten unsung moments from Empire and Jedi (and a special surprise forth installment!) which will be coming in the next week or so, but until then lemmie know your favorite moments from A New Hope in the comments section below. End transmission.

Tags: sci fi, star wars, top ten