Top Ten… Seventies Horror Movie Taglines!
The seventies were, in my opinion, the last truly great decade for horror. Sure the eighties had some great movies (The Thing, The Fly and the first two Evil Dead movies for exampe) but the seventies was the time that horror began to move from the Gothic Hammer style to a more realistic and brutal style. Previously, horror movies had been marketed with lurid taglines such as “can a woman ever truly love a midget?” and “the terrifying lover who died… yet lived!” (kudos and manly hugs if you can name the films without Googling) but promotional people in the seventies seemed to take great care when it came to selecting those all important words under the title. Like stop motion and matte painting, taglines are a bit of a lost art, so enjoy while you can the top ten seventies horror movie taglines! Onward!
10. The Exorcist (1973): “Something almost beyond comprehension is happeneing to a girl on this street, in this house… and a man has been sent for as a last resort. This man is The Exorcist.”
The Exorcist often gets quite a bit of crap slung at it for not being as scary as its reputation says it is, but for my money it’s one of the all time greats. The tagline, like the film, stirs up an eerie sense of impending doom that perfectly suits the moody, minimalistic look of the poster.
9. The Omen (1976): “If something frightening happens to you today, think about it. It may be The Omen.”
This could’ve been one of the best taglines in any genre, but the akward wording loses it points. Something more along the lines of “if something strange happens today, don’t ignore it: it may be The Omen” would’ve worked so much better. In any case, The Omen is a classic and it’s got Gregory Peck in it, so that’s always good.
8. Zombie Flesh Eaters AKA Zombi 2 AKA Zombie &etc. (1979): “We are going to eat you!”
Direct, to the point, and bloody terrifying. This film’s tagline is less a threat and more a statement of fact, as in, “we’re zombies, you’re tasty, we’re hungry, you’re fucked.” Brilliant.
7. Westworld (1973): “Where nothing can possibly go worng.”
I know it’s debateable wether or not Westworld is a horror film, but the tagline is a work of genius. At first glance you might not even notice the joke, but once you see it, it tells you everything you need to know about the film in six simple words. Michael Crichton’s dry run for Jurassic Park, Westworld is part western, part sci fi and, yes, part horror with Yul Brynner stalking his victims in classic slasher movie style. In fact, I would even argue that the Robot Gunslinger is worthy of being included alongside guys like Michael Myers and Jason Vorhees.
6. Halloween (1978): “He night he came home.”
Wait, the night WHO came home? Where’s home? HE comes home on Halloween? Who the fuck is HE? This movie sounds awesome! Job done. It’s a real shame that John Carpenter has lost his mojo in recent years, because from 1976 to about 1988 he was damn near untouchable.
5. Alien (1979): “In space, no one can hear you scream.”
Ok, so wether or not Alien is a horror film is maybe debatable (if you’re an idiot) but for my money it’s as much a horror film as anything else on this list. The isolation of the characters in the film is reflected in the eerie sparseness of the poster and the terror they will face whilst utterly cut off from humanity is reflected in the bleak tagline. Much imitated, and much parodied, Alien has one of the best taglines ever.
4. Dawn of the Dead (1978): “When there’s no more room in Hell, the dead will walk the Earth.”
Commonly accepted as Romero’s best zombie movie (though as far as I’m concerned Day is better) it’s the only film on our list that takes its tagline from a line of dialouge in the movie. In one of the movie’s few quiet moments Ken Foree’s character Peter tells a story about his grandfather, a vodoo priest, who used to tell him that “when there’s no more room in Hell, the dead will walk the Earth.” It’s one of the creepiest taglines in cinema history and almost as iconic as the movie itself.
3. Jaws 2 (1978): “Just when you though it was safe to go back in the water.”
One of the few movie taglines that’s more famous that the movie itself (it’s only contenders are Alien and The Fly – “be afraid – be very afraid) Jaws 2 is a sorely underrated film that gets a bad rep based soley on the fact that it’s not Jaws. But fuck that, Jaws 2 is a solid movie and the tagline is a classic.
2. The Last House on the Left (1972): “To avoid fainting keep repeating, it’s only a movie… only a movie… only a movie… only a movie…”
Three taglines for the price of one here: the one above; “it rests on 13 acres of earth over the very centre of Hell;” and “Mari, seventeen is dying – even for her the worst is yet to come.” Last House on the Left is regarded by some as a horror classic, but to others it’s a tad craptastic. For me though, it’s somewhere inbetween. A flawed classic, if you will. That said, the fourth wall breaking tagline is genius.
1. It’s Alive (1974): “There’s only one thing wrong with the Davis baby… It’s Alive.”
I love movie taglines that incorporate the title of the movie, and no tagline did it better than this one. It’s like the punchline to some monumentally sick joke, but more than that, it plays on the fear that all new parents have about their children – that something will be wrong with them. If the only thing wrong with the Davis baby is that it’s alive, then goddamn, I wanna see this baby! The movie’s not great, but as far as I’m concerned that just makes the tagline ever better since it almost tricks you out of your money and gets you into the cinema.
Honorable mentions, in no particular order, to:
1. Dr. Phibes Rises Again (1972): “Flesh crawls! Blood curdles! Phibes lives!”
2. Black Christmas (1974): “If this movie doesn’t make your skin crawl… it’s on too tight!”
3. The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974): “Who will survive and what will be left of them?”
4. Phantasm (1979): “If this one doesn’t scare you, you’re already dead!”
5. The Amityville Horror (1979): “For God’s sake, get out!”
6. Carrie (1976): “If you’ve got a taste for terror, take Carrie to the prom.”
7. The Hills Have Eyes (1977): “The lucky ones died first.”
8. King Kong (1976): “The most exciting original motion picture of all time.” (Note: the sheer audacity of calling a remake “the most exciting original motion picture” makes me die laughing, hence the inclusion of this rather prosaic tagline on our list.)
9. The Omega Man (1971): “The last man on Earth… is not alone!”
10. Suspiria (1977): “The only thing more terrifying than the last 12 minutes of this movie are the first 92.”
So anyway, there you have it. The top ten – plus ten others – seventies movie taglines. Did I miss out your favorite, or are you heartbroken to see your favorite banished to the honorable mentions? Comments below, ta. Coming soon – the top ten eighties horror taglines. And maybe something about comics. Anyway. End transmission.
