10. CUTHROAT ISLAND (1995)

Ok, so the film was terrible and killed pirate movies for years until Pirates of the Caribbean, but the poster is brilliantly swashbuckling in the classic Errol Flynn/Douglas Fairbanks tradition. Promising high adventure on the high seas that the film sadly didn’t deliver, this is a case of the poster being better than the film itself.

9. THE NORSEMAN (1978)

Struzan’s artwork for The Norseman is ten times better than the film it’s advertising, but when the poster art is this good, does it really matter if the film was a stinker? Out Frazetta-ing Frazetta, Struzan delivered a classic painting that wouldn’t look out of place in a book of Robert E. Howard stories.

8. COMING TO AMERICA (1988)

The first legit good film on today’s list, Coming to America is a classic comedy starring a pre-Mel B Eddie Murphy in what might be his best role. It was the film that made Eddie Murphy a star and Struzan’s poster emphasises the star accordingly. Legend has it, the poster was designed for Crocodile Dundee II, but Paul Hogan nixed the idea. Never one to let a good idea die, Struzan recycled the concept for Coming to America and a classic movie poster was born.

7. THE THING (1982)

Struzan painted the poster for The Thing without any reference photos from the film and all he had to work on was someone telling him “it’s the same basic story as the original.” It’s a wonder he managed to create anything at all from such scant info, never mind an all time classic image. The poster tells you absolutley nothing about the film, but it does make you want to see it, and that, after all, is the point.

6. FIRST BLOOD (1982)

The first poster to advertise a movie by giving as a big guy holding a big gun, the central image of the First Blood poster has been copied and parodied so much is has become a cliche. The classic image of what an action movie hero should look like, the First Blood poster has become the way pretty much all action movies since advertise themselves.

5. THE BACK TO THE FUTURE TRILOGY (1985/89/90)

Three posters, yes, but as great as each individual poster is, they’re so much better when enjoyed as a whole. The first poster is so iconic that when it came time to design the poster for the sequel, Struzan designed countless posters before deciding to do what really should have been a no brainer – repeat the design of the original. There’s been much debate over whether or not Mary Steenbergen should be featured on the third poster, and a design exists showing just Marty and Doc in western gear – but for my money it balances the poster nicely.

4. INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL PROMOTIONAL POSTERS (2008)

Also known as “running Indy,” “swining Indy” and “whip Indy” these images weren’t used on the advance or main posters for the latest Indy movie, but were promotional images that turned up on everything from banners to desktop wallpaper to promotional cups and, yes, posters. Showing that no one draws Indy quite like Drew Struzan, my favorite is “whip Indy” which is the rarest of the three, tending only to turn up on huge billboards and hoardings.

3. THE STAR WARS TRILOGY SPECIAL EDITIONS (1996/97)

Anyone who was a Star Wars fan in the nineties will remember the excitment of seeing the Special Edition posters in cinemas. They were – and still are – breathtakingly beautiful and close-to-perfect representations of the Star Wars trilogy. However, you don’t really appreciate these posters until you see them side by side. Empire is the most important story in the Star Wars saga, and it’s only fitting that everything on these three posters explodes outward from the centre of the Empire poster.

2. MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE (1987)

Maybe I’m just being sentimental by putting the Masters of the Universe poster at number 2, and to be honest, it’s not as good as the Special Edition posters – but my list = my rules so there. For my money, Drew’s painting of Dolph Lungren deserves to be hanging next to the Mona Lisa in the Louvre. It’s an incredible peice of work that provides a link back to my childhood as it’s the first peice of Struzan art I remember seeing.

1. INDIANA JONES AND THE LAST CRUSADE (1989)

Drew Struzan loves drawing Indy. It’s clear from how bloody good at it he is. The third Indy movie has the best poster of any of the Struzan Indy posters (though the distinction of best Indy poster overall goes to the advance poster for Temple of Doom) and perfectly captures the adventure and joie de vivre of what was then thought to be the last Indiana Jones movie. Struzan also painted posters for the Indiana Jones Adventure at Disneyworld and a ton of Indy novels, but his poster for Last Crusade is undoubtedly his best work.

Sadly, Drew Struzan has retired from the movie business. His last poster was for the movie Super Capers, which I think about three people saw. To quote the man himself “the studios had turned their backs on “art” over the last number of years as most anyone has noticed.” I still hope for the day when the studios will turn back to art and someone – hopefully Struzan himself – will return and save us from the teal and orange nightmare that the multiplex lobby has become. End transmission.

10. Ronald Reagan IS… Rick Blaine!

Eventually played by: Humphrey Bogart

To be honest, there’s every chance this is just Hollywood bullshit, but there’s a rumor that wont go away that future president Ronald Reagan was offered the lead in Casablanca, but turned it down. With Reagan in the lead, it would’ve been an acceptable movie; Bogart made it a classic. That said, Bogart became one of the most popular movie stars ever and Regan somehow became one of the most (bafflingly) popular presidents ever, so all’s well that ends well, I guess.

9. Tom Selleck IS… Indiana Jones!

Eventually played by: Harrison Ford

To be honest, this one might have worked. Selleck has that same laconic charm as Harrison Ford (although, admittedly, he has far less of it) and if we couldn’t have Ford, Selleck would’ve done. That said, I don’t think it would’ve turned into the franchise it became with Selleck in the lead.

8. Laurence Olivier IS… Don Corleone!

Eventually played by: Marlon Brando

Another one that I kinda see working. Someone on IMDB commented that Olivier would’ve acted rather than stuffing his cheeks with cotton wool and mumbling, but that’s a bit unfair, methinks. Brando turned in an incredible performance, but surley I’m not the only one who’d love to see what the world’s greatest Shakesperian would’ve done with the role.

7. James Cagney IS… Robin Hood!

Eventually played by: Errol Flynn

Ok, so now we’re getting into the stuff I really don’t see working. Whilst making A Midsummer Night’s Dream with Cagney as Bottom, a studio exec suggested Cagney as Robin Hood. Had Cagney not walked off the Warner Bros. lot, he would’ve been the man in tights and Erroll Flynn would’ve been an also-ran. Cagney is one of my favorite actors, but I can’t imagine him in green tights spitting out dialouge about Normans and Saxons and “every free man in England” in his stacatto Bronx accent.

6. Nicholas Cage IS… Superman!

Eventually played by: Brandon Routh

Believe it or not, there was a while there when the next Superman movie was going to be Kevin Smith’s Superman Lives directed by Tim Burton and starring Nicholas Cage as the Man of Steel. Tim Burton being Tim Burton, this wouldn’t have been a Superman story as we know them, but it would’ve been a Burtonised nightmare starring a hero that looks like that picture above. Still think Brandon Routh sucked?

5. Robert Redford IS… Rocky Balboa!

Eventually played by: Sylvester Stallone

When Sylvester Stallone pitched Rocky to studio executives they were all over the idea like a dog eating beetroot, but with one condition. They didn’t want Stallone – previously seen in only softcore porn and Corman exploitation – playing the lead in his own movie and would much rather have a bankable star as Rocky. Their first choice? Robert Redford. The blonde haired, blue eyed Sundance festival founder as the Itallian Stallion? Apollo would’ve put his ass on the mat in the first round.

4. Christopher Walken IS… Han Solo!

Eventually played by: Harrison Ford.

The part of Han Solo was offered to Harrison Ford, Kurt Russell and Christopher Walken. With Russell in the part I reckon the trilogy would’ve gone ahead much as it did, but with Christopher Walken Captain Solo is something I really can’t imagine. Walken, as awesome as he is, just doesn’t have the laconic charm to play the rougeish Han Solo.

3. Al Pacino IS… John Rambo!

Eventually played by: Sylvester Stallone.

Let me first say that the Rambo of the movies is something very different from the Rambo of the book “First Blood” by David Morrell and, in a pervese sort of way, I can kinda see Al Pacino as the Rambo of the novel, but as the Rambo of the movies – especially First Blood Part II and Rambo III – Al Pacino is about the last guy I’d put in that role. Can you really see Tony Montana stripped to the waist sporting a bandana, a bandolier and a Browning? Thought not.

EDIT: Since posting this, I’ve noticed the astonishing similarity between the two pictures above.  Creepy…

2. Frank Sinatra IS… Harry Callahan!

Eventually played by: Clint Eastwood.

Sinatra might have done it his way, but saints be praised Clint got to do Dirty Harry HIS way. To be fair, Sinatra – in a round about sort of way – played John McLane long before Bruce Willis did (no, really, swear to god – see below) but by the time the seventies rolled around and Dirty Harry went into production, Ol’ Blue Eyes was a little too old to play the eponymous detective. That said, Charles Bronson was pretty awesome in Death Wish despite his advanced years, but seriously, can you really see the Chairman of the Board wielding a .44 Magnum and asking punks if they feel lucky?

1. Adam West IS… James Bond!

Eventually played by: George Lazenby

Yup, you read that right, Adam West was approached to take over from Sean Connery but declined saying that he felt Bond should be British. Now, hear me out. I think Adam West could’ve been a great Bond – he certainly was good looking enough (and certainly looked the part – look at that picture, just add a gun and you have 007), could handle himself physically and was great with a one liner, but perhaps it’s for the best that he never took the part. Among others considered for the role are Richard Burton, Jeremy Brett (if only), Oliver Reed, Christopher Reeve, Burt Reynolds, James Brolin, Steve Reeves (!), Ewan McGregor, Clint Eastwood (really) and Sam Neil.

A note on the Frank Sinatra/John McLane:
John McLane – or, as he was originally named Joe Leland – first appeared in the novel “The Detective” by Roderick Thorp. This movie was made into a film starring Frankie. The novel’s sequel “Nothing Lasts Forever” became the basis for Die Hard with the character renamed John McLane and played by Bruce Willis.

Anyway, leave a comment if you have anything interesting to say. Hell, leave a comment even if you don’t. Something on comics soon, I swear! End transmission.

10. “You lost today, kid.”

It’s not often you get to witness the Birth of a Legend, but in the opening scenes of Last Crusade, you get to do just that. On a scouting adventure, the teenage Indy starts his career in archaology by attemepting to recover the Cross of Coronado from some thieves and take it to it’s rightful place in a museum. Along the way he picks up his whip, the scar on his chin, his pathalogical fear of snakes as well as his trademark fedora.

9. Guess who’s coming to dinner?

Or; the scene that made me unable to watch Temple of Doom all the way through until I was 15. Most things that freaked you out in your youth don’t seem so bad when you look back at them, but this scene is still disgusting. Disgusting and oh so awesome. Indy and his friends are in India and are invited to a feast consisting of some monkey brains, eyeball soup and, best of all, a huge fucking snakes stuffed with what look like eels. Tasty!

8. WhooooOOOOOOOoooooooOOOOOOOaaaaaah!

Some films claim to be a “rollercoaster ride,” but few can say that they feature a literal rollercoaster ride in the final reels. After doing his Indy thang in the Temple of Doom, Dr. Jones and co. jump into a handy mine cart and take off down a cave that can be best described as the asshole of hell. Avoiding zinging bullets, holes in the track and gravity defying leaps, Indy cheats death as only Indy can.

7. “No ticket.”

Quick, you have to think fast! You’re stowed away on a Nazi zeppelin and a Nazi has recognised you! Do you:
a. Give up and let him capture you
b. Run away
c. Punch him and throw him the fuck out of the airship
If you chose option C. you just might have what it takes to pull on a fedora and be an intrepid adventurer. Indy’s methods of problem solving are inventive to say the least, but if you ever run into him on a Nazi zeppelin, here’s a handy tip: as long as you have a ticket, you should be fine.

6. Going down.

Ok, so here’s the scenario. Indy’s in the middle of a rope bridge with enemies on either side. They’re closing in rapidly and it’s at least 100 feet to the crocodile infested river below. You don’t have your gun, but you do have a rather wicked looking sword. What do you do? Whilst anyone else on earth would hold their hands up and say “it’s a fair cop,” our intrepid friend Indy says “fuck it” and surprises the hell out of everyone by showing his rock of Gilbralter sized balls and cutting the rope bridge in half and hoping to Christ he can hold on.

5. “Asps… very dangerous!”

As mentioned in number ten, Indy has a bit of a thing about snakes. He doesn’t like them. So when he’s faced with the snake pit that is the Well of Souls in Raiders, he’s really up shit creek. Being made of win like he is, he goes anyway and comes face to face with the most badass snake of all time. After openly shitting his pants, he collects himself, gets up and maintains, getting on with the job in hand. That, my friends, is how you deal with shit. You get up and you maintain. Everything you need to know about being an man, you can learn from Indiana Jones.

4. Face meltingly awesome.

After being chased by boulders, fighting off both the Nazi and the Egyptian hoardes, facing his greatest fear in the Well of Souls, stowing away on Nazi u-boats and getting his hands on the Ark of the Covenant, Indy caps off the greatest adventure movie ever made not by winning an epic fight or by blowing something up in dramatic slow-mo, but by being chained to a post and closing his eyes. Indy’s arch nemesis and his Nazi cohorts open the Ark and get utterly pwned as all manner of demons and devils fly out of the Ark and set about melting some fucking faces.

3. Tanks but no tanks.

Hot on the trail of the Holy Grail and desperate to beat the Nazis to the Valley of the Crescent Moon, Indy fights his way out of a tank where he’s being held captive and jumps on the nearest horse. It’s horse vs tank as Indy and his new best friend take down the tanks one by one, most notably by making one of the guns backfire by jamming a rock down the barrell. At the end of the scene, Indy seems to go over the edge of a cliff whilst trapped in one of the tanks, leading to a really great moment where his dad and his friends think he’s dead only to discover him, quite alive, looking down at the wreckage of the tank with them. One of the greatest action scenes ever shot (there’s action in the tank, on the tank, outside the tank, shit blows up, shit goes over cliffs, there’s thrills, spills and laughs) and topped with an awesome emotional moment.

2. Jones. Indiana Jones.

Every movie, regardless of plot or cast, should start the same way as Raiders. As far as character introductions go Harrison Ford’s big reveal is up there with Sean Connery in Dr. No, Orson Welles in The Third Man and Boris Karloff in Frankenstein. But what follows is even better. Indy and his guide make their way past various booby traps to find a Hovito fertility idol. Indy’s guide double crosses Indy and makes off with the idol only to get pinned to a wall by a big ass spike. Indy reclaims his prize and is, in the single greatest moment of action in the Indy movies, is chased by a giant fucking boulder down a long fucking corridor and leaps for freedom only to be persuded by a bunch of pissed off Hovitos. Running like the wind away from their spears and blow darts, Indy swings Tarzan-like on a vine into a river where his pilot Jock (or is it Jaques?) waits with a biplane. The music swells as the plane takes off into the sunset and the best adventure movie ever made is underway.

1. swishswishswishswishswishBANG.

There’s a scene in The Untouchables where Sean Connery talks about how silly it is to bring a knife to a gunfight. Sage advice that the swordsman hired by the Nazis to take out Indy in Cairo would’ve been wise to have heeded. After a long and awesome fight around the marketplaces of Cairo, Indy comes face to face with a huge figure clad in black and weilding a very large and very deadly sword. He passes it from hand to hand and swings it about, inviting Indy to take him on. Indy wipes the sweat from his brow and in the greatest moment in the Indy series pulls his gun and shoots the motherfucker dead. Later in the movie, Indy admits that he doesn’t have a plan to get the Ark and is making it up as he goes, and nothing exemplifies that more than the shooting of the swordsman. It’s almost as if his instinct to fight kicked in and he was running on adrenaline while he was beating up the other thugs but only when he got a moment to pause and think did it occur to him that hey, he has a fucking gun. Referenced in everything from Temple of Doom to Tomb Raider, Indy vs the Cairo Swordsman is everything that is great about Indiana Jones in one 30 second scene.

It’s interesting to note that no one of these moments came from Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. What does that tell us? Disagree and think Mutt Williams swinging on the vines should’ve made the list? Comment below. Then kill yourself. End transmission.